Prioritizing Yourself as a BIPOC Individual (A 10\10 Guide to Dealing With Guilt)

Pen is to paper as guilt is to you prioritizing yourself as a BIPOC individual.

Let’s see:

• We grow up hyper-aware of how others see us.
• We’re taught (sometimes explicitly, often subtly) that our worth is in how much we can give, how much we can accommodate, and how much we can sacrifice.

It’s a full cocktail of obligation, fear, and duty — all shaken up with a twist of What will they think?

This blog is your roadmap to shedding the guilt that comes with prioritizing yourself as a BIPOC individual while also preparing for what comes next-the identity shifts, the loneliness, the healing, and the relationships that may no longer survive your growth.

Let’s get into it!

This guide breaks down:

The Double Standards of Self Care for BIPOC Individuals 

We grew up hearing all the sayings:

• “You can’t pour from an empty cup.”
• “Put your oxygen mask on first.”
• “Take the stone out of your own shoes before removing someone else’s 

These are all metaphors about self-prioritization, yet the moment you apply any of them in real life —you are already betraying someone. 

When you finally say no, someone loses access to the “yes” they’ve always expected.

When you start protecting your peace, some people start calling you distant.

When you enforce boundaries, your parents or siblings may just be the first people to  label you selfish.

These are just everyday scenarios that happen when you put yourself on the list of things to take care of.

Now, when these are happening, always remember the words of this Calgary therapist who is also a BIPOC individual:

You are not responsible for other people’s reactions to your healing.

Let’s say that again: You are not responsible for other people’s reactions to your healing.

Period! 

How to Deal With The Guilt You Experience Because You Are Prioritizing Yourself as a BIPOC Individual 

The guilt that comes with choosing yourself will never fully disappear—but you can manage it. Here are some practical strategies to help you cope:

• Name the guilt

Say it out loud. Journal it. Text it to a friend. Bring it into the open so you can actually see, face, and work through it.

• Be less mean to your inner child

Your inner child has likely been trained to equate being good with being agreeable and available. So when you set a boundary, that child might panic. Be gentle. 

• Practice micro-boundaries

Start with small no’s-—a meeting, a favor, a last-minute plan. Micro-boundaries are the easiest ways to build boundary muscles.

• Find community

Healing doesn’t mean isolating. Find the one or two people who get it—who don’t take your growth personally, who cheer you on when you choose rest, who mirror back your worth when the guilt gets loud.

How To Deal With Identity Crisis After Prioritizing Yourself as a BIPOC Individual

One of the most unexpected parts of putting yourself first is realizing how much of your identity was wrapped up in doing things for other people.

So what happens when you finally stop?

You might feel disoriented. Like you’re not sure who you are outside of being the helper, the fixer, the strong one.

This is an identity crisis—but it’s not a bad thing.

Try this to get back in touch with you:

• Ask yourself, who am I becoming?

• Reflect on: What do I need in relationships that I never prioritized before?
  

These exercises set the stage for defining boundaries that actually serve you. Instead of living someone else’s life, you are able to assess what you need to become your authentic self.

How To Cope After Losing Relationships Because You Prioritized Yourself 

After boundaries are drawn and choices are made, you stand in a quieter room. Relief mixes with an unsettling question: Did I just burn everything down to be alone?

Yes, you just did but self-prioritization clears space before filling it. It is in that space that you rebuild.

With that said, here’s how to begin rebuilding:

• Let yourself grieve

Just because a relationship was unhealthy doesn’t mean the love wasn’t real. Give yourself permission to feel the loss. Write letters you won’t send. Cry about the memories. Don’t rush to “move on.” 

• Remind yourself why you left

When the loneliness hits, you will remember the laughs, the love—but forget the exhaustion, the resentment, the versions of yourself you had to shrink into. 

Write a reminder list that you can revisit when you start romanticizing the chaos.

• Set new standards and be observant

Let people show consistency before giving them access to your inner world. Reevaluate your relationships based on shared respect, trust, and reciprocal care.

• Put yourself first, even when it hurts:

Sometimes, the right decision comes with discomfort. You might feel guilty, second-guess yourself, or even mourn what you’ve outgrown. That’s normal. You feel that way because you’re breaking patterns. Let it feel uncomfortable. Let it be unfamiliar. And still, stand by your choice.

• Create space for growth:

Some people won’t get it now, but if they respect your boundaries, they might return—more self-aware and ready to fit into your new life.

If they do, great. Just don’t shrink to fit them. 

Restate your boundaries. Gently, clearly, firmly.

The number one rule of setting boundaries is not just saying them—it’s following through with consequences.

As you continue this journey, remember that self-prioritization is not just about saying no—it’s about saying yes to yourself. 

When you prioritize yourself, your relationships become more authentic.

Your energy renews itself. And you model healthy boundaries for others, especially younger generations. 

If you’re feeling the ache of boundaries, the weight of guilt, or the loneliness of growth—our Calgary-based therapist at Ashay Therapy, Sleah, utilizes transactional analysis to help you navigate the challenges you may face when reclaiming your right to self-care.

She’s just a call away, ready to support every step of your journey to ditching the guilt around self-prioritization.