Should I Quit Therapy? How To Know If You’re Making Progress Or Wasting Time 

In a world where people will give you a million reasons not to quit therapy when you feel you are not making any progress, I am the 100th person in line. 

Sometimes, when you are not making progress on your mental health journey, quitting therapy can be the right call. 

For example, your therapist has consistently crossed boundaries with you, talked over you, and gotten irritated/annoyed with you.  It definitely makes sense that you stopped going to sessions until you find another therapist who is a better fit.

On the other hand, your reason for quitting therapy could be financial, which is also valid and in which case I invite you to explore the low-cost therapy options   I wrote about here.

However, the focus of this blog is on that third situation—the one where you’re lying awake wondering if your therapy is actually working, whether because your expectations aren’t being met, your family keeps questioning why you’re still going, or you genuinely can’t tell if you’re making progress or just spinning your wheels for hundreds of dollars a month.

What you’ll get from this guide is the honest breakdown of what’s actually happening in your first few months of therapy, how to set better goals and expectations so you don’t quit at the very point of breakthrough, and the specific signs that tell you whether to stay or leave. 

You’re the one who has to live with the consequences of this decision. Let’s make sure you’re making it with complete ammo ⭐️🔫

How To Set Therapy Goals That Show Progress

Most people set therapy goals that make it impossible to know if they’re making progress.

A good therapy goal answers a specific question: What do I want to be able to DO that I can’t do now? 

Let’s differentiate between the two approaches of goal setting in therapy in the table below:

Feelings-Based Goals	Action-Based Goals
I want to feel less anxious.	I want to give presentations without cancelling.
I want my relationship to work.	I want to have conflicts without shutting down for three days.
I want to feel better about myself.	I want to set boundaries with my mother without apologizing.
I want to stop feeling angry all the time.	I want to regulate my emotions when triggered instead of yelling

Do you notice the difference? When you know what you’re trying to be able to DO in therapy, you can actually measure whether it is helping you get there, even if you still feel anxious.

You’re not waiting to magically wake up one day feeling better. 

You’re watching for the moment when you do the thing you couldn’t do before, even if it still feels uncomfortable while you’re doing it.

What To Expect In Your First 3 Months of Therapy

In the first month or so (sessions 1-4):

Your therapist is learning your story, fleshing out your therapy goals, and you’re testing whether this person is safe enough to be honest with and developing your coping skills toolbox. 

Progress at this stage looks like saying things out loud you’ve never told anyone, crying for the first time in months, and having those “oh, that’s why I do that” realizations.

Mind you, this stage can feel like you’re “just talking”. 

Why not just rant to your friend for free? 

I strongly advise you not to.

Unlike your friend, who will only tell you what you want to hear instead of what you need to know, your therapist is using these first few weeks to map your patterns: the way you deflect when things get too deep, how you apologize for taking up space, and the disconnect between the story you tell about your childhood and your body language.

This stage of therapy doesn’t feel like progress because you’re used to measuring progress in outcomes, e.g., pounds lost, promotions earned.

But therapy progress is different. It’s slower, it’s internal, and it’s happening even when you can’t feel it yet.

 

Around months two to three(sessions 5-10)

At this point in your therapy journey, you start realizing you’re attracted to emotionally unavailable people because that’s what felt normal growing up. 

You notice you hold your breath during phone calls with your mother. 

You see how you sabotage yourself right before success—every single time.

Progress looks like catching yourself mid-pattern and thinking, “Oh god, I’m doing it again.” 

It looks like understanding why you do things, even if you still can’t stop doing them yet.

Negative self-talk is a bit quieter; your inner voice is a touch more realistic or kind.

You feel more engaged in sessions and may even look forward to them or feel relief after.

Bad days still happen, but you bounce back faster and feel less stuck in old spirals.

Relationships feel more authentic: more honest conversations, a bit less people-pleasing or conflict avoidance

You and your therapist review progress and can name concrete changes since session 1.

This phase often feels worse than the beginning, which is why many people quit. 

 

 

Around months four to six and beyond(sessions 10-20+):

This is when you start practicing new behaviors.

You set a boundary with your immigrant parent or African parent, and you can sit with the discomfort of it;  hold space for your guilt, and yet don’t apologize for setting a boundary.

You fight with your partner and don’t catastrophize that the relationship is ending.

People around you start to comment that you seem calmer, lighter, or more yourself.

You handle old triggers in new ways: less escalation, more using skills, and recovering much faster afterward.

Overall, you feel more hopeful and capable: life is still hard sometimes, but you trust yourself more to handle it

You can clearly describe how you’ve changed since session 1 and give concrete examples from daily life.

You handle old triggers in new ways: less escalation, more using skills, and recovering much faster afterward.

You and your therapist can identify goals you’ve already met and refine or set new ones.

Some people reach their goals and graduate around here. 

Others realize there are deeper layers—trauma that couldn’t be addressed earlier, wounds that need more time to heal properly. 

Signs Therapy Is Working Even When It Doesn’t Feel Like It

• You suddenly hate your therapist for no clear reason

Two weeks ago, they were fine. Now, everything they say irritates you, their voice annoys you, and you find yourself mentally arguing with them during sessions.

Perhaps, you’re getting close to something you’ve been avoiding your whole life, and your brain is creating reasons to leave before you have to face it.

In that case, you might reschedule your therapy session, or you might find a need to ghost your therapist

You’ll both most likely have a conversation to unpack that irritation, and you’ll make another ton of progress that could be genuinely pivotal in your mental health journey.

 

• You’re noticing patterns everywhere, but can’t stop them yet

You see how you people-please, self-sabotage, and recreate childhood dynamics in every relationship. You’re aware constantly. But you still can’t stop, and that feels maddening.

Discuss this with your therapist if they don’t beat you to it. You are now at the awareness stage, the stage that always comes before change. Always. 

 

• You feel worse than when you started

At session one, you were numb. Functional. Coping by not feeling anything at all.

At session six, you’re crying in your car before work, feeling everything, completely overwhelmed by emotions you’ve suppressed for years.

Survival before therapy meant staying busy, staying numb, staying disconnected from your feelings. It worked—until it stopped working, which is why you’re here in the first place.

Now you’re feeling everything you’ve been avoiding: 

the anger that’s been simmering under the surface for decades. 

You’re driving to work and suddenly start crying about something your father said 15 years ago. 

Congratulations, your nervous system is finally feeling safe enough to express itself and release what it’s been holding all these years. 

How To Measure Progress In Therapy

Focus	Therapy Duration
Coping skills/ specific concerns	6-12 sessions
Anxiety, burnout, and relationship therapy work	3-6 months
Trauma or long-standing patterns	Within 6-12 months
Maintenance or therapeutic support	As needed

Common Phases of Therapy

Phase 1: Getting oriented and understanding your goals (approximately 1 month for weekly therapy)
Phase 2: Insight and skill building (approximately 2-3 months for weekly therapy)
Phase 3: Integration and change (approximately 3-6 months for weekly therapy)
Phase 4:  Maintenance or Internal Completion (6+ months, often moving to biweekly/monthly)

Is Therapy Working For You?: The Relief vs Resolution Gap

When it comes to measuring progress in therapy,  there’s a massive difference between relief and resolution.

Relief means your symptoms decrease. You’re sleeping better, feeling less anxious, and crying less often. You feel functional again.

Resolution means the deeper patterns, triggers, and coping systems that created those symptoms are actually reworked at the root level.

Many people quit therapy once they reach relief—and this is exactly why symptoms come back six months later. They stopped when they felt better instead of continuing until the underlying patterns actually changed.

There are always drawbacks and costs to recovery.

 “Getting better” often involves some fear around how expectations of ourselves will change and/or the amount of support we feel “deserving” of changes.

Permit yourself to measure your progress in therapy differently—not whether you feel better yet, but whether you understand more deeply, whether you’re noticing patterns in real time, whether you’re slowly choosing differently even when it’s uncomfortable.

Our therapists at Ashay Therapy are committed to assisting you at any level of therapy support you need. 

Even when we determine that you should indeed quit therapy, we provide you with a professional aftercare plan so you know exactly what maintenance looks like, when to come back, and how to recognize if you’re sliding backward. 

Are you considering starting therapy and need to know what to expect? Are you in therapy already and unsure if you are making progress at all?