Listen, I can’t describe how excited I am that you’re here – trying to find a therapist who is the right fit for you.
As a therapist and someone who also sits on the other side of the couch occasionally, I genuinely believe therapy could be one of the most important steps for your mental health as a BIPOC individual.
But here’s the thing, therapy is only as good as finding a good therapist. Not only do bad therapists exist but they also have thriving plants in their office😭.
In a perfect world, bad therapists shouldn’t be able to keep a plant alive, right? And yet, they can.
The worst part is that a bad therapist will set you back in your therapeutic journey if they don’t straight-up add to your trauma first.
So, how do you find a therapist who actually helps you in your wellness journey?
This guide breaks down:
Know What You Are Looking for in Therapy
Before you even start reaching out to therapists, take a moment to think about why you’re looking for help in the first place.
Are you feeling overwhelmed, anxious, recovering from trauma, or dealing with relationship issues?
What’s making you search for a therapist?
Answering these questions increases your chances of finding a therapist who is the right fit for you even when you are unsure of what therapy you need.
Now, let’s talk about what good therapy actually looks like.
The Green Flags of a Therapist
1) They Meet You Where You Are:
Not everyone who walks in for therapy is going to be able to spill their life story right away.
I mean, we’ve only just met – I need to earn the right to hear about your childhood trauma.
Maybe you need to sit in silence for a bit.
Maybe traditional talk therapy feels too intense for you.
As BIPOC individuals, therapy can feel even more exposing when you’ve spent your life being seen as part of a group rather than a full person.
At Ashay Therapy- we provide counselling that honors your identity- which means silence is a valid option here.
And if you need an approach that doesn’t have you sharing right away or approach that doesn’t involve just talking, we introduce other modalities like ART and person centred therapy that we are trained and licensed to do in Calgary.
2) They Create a Safe Space:
A good therapist knows how to set up their space so it’s easy to feel comfortable and vulnerable.
The physical space, the vibe, the energy-it all matters. A box of tissues within reach? Soft lighting? All signs you’re in the right place.
3) They Communicate Openly
With a good therapist, you know exactly what’s expected, and they respect your time, cultural views and opinions.
During your first session with me, I’ll ask you why you finally decided to come for therapy now.
Not because I’m nosy (okay, maybe a little), but because understanding your “why now” helps us both know where we’re starting from.
4) They are Transparent about their Modalities:
A solid therapist is not hush-hush about their approach.
If I recommend Accelerated Resolution Therapy, I’ll explain it-what it is, why it works, and what it means for you.
If a therapist’s response to “What therapy methods do you use?”doesn’t explain how the therapy method targets the issue you want to work on, that’s a red flag.
5) They are Professional:
A great therapist is also transparent and tactical about their fees. They are upfront about whether they take sliding scale fees, they tell you the insurance providers they work with and make the payment process easy.
6) They Think About Progress:
Even from the time of consultation, you will see a good therapist often talking about progress.
Sometimes, it doesn’t even have to be something so life shattering. Some of my clients tell me how they paused before reacting, hello, emotional regulation?
Some talk about how they were able to use the methods we practiced in the previous sessions and I just see how helping them see how far they’ve come makes their healing process easier.
7) They Have a Strong Professional Network
A good therapist isn’t afraid to consult colleagues, supervisors, or refer you to other specialists when needed.
If they act like they have every answer? That’s a problem. Therapy should be about you, not their ego.
8) They Speak Kindly Without Judgement:
Speaking kindly to yourself is one thing that you may not be able to do when your inner critic is on a roll.
It’s always helpful to know your therapist can be that voice of reason for you.
Yes, they’ll challenge your patterns and beliefs, but in a way that feels empowering, not judgemental.
9) They Take Your Feedback Seriously:
I tell my clients before starting that it’s very possible for me to mess up. I’m not perfect – shocking, I know, especially with my amazingly blue couch.
If they think I’ve misheard them or misinterpreted something, I’m very open to hear and adjust my approach based on what works for them.
Red Flags of A Therapist
A bad therapist isn’t just a waste of your time – their inefficiency can actually set you back on your wellness journey.
These red flags are things that, if you experience them early on with your potential therapist, you should run faster than when your aunt tries to set you up with the nice boy from church:
1) They Overshare About Their Own Life
Therapists are human, and sometimes a little self-disclosure can be helpful.
But if your therapist starts venting about their own problems and it feels like you should be the one getting paid for the session instead? That’s a red flag.
2)They Dismiss Your Feelings or Experiences
If your therapist makes you feel judged, unheard, or like you’re “overreacting,” that’s a huge red flag. Therapy should be a safe space where you feel validated and affirmed.
3)They’re Inconsistent or Unreliable
Do they frequently cancel or reschedule? Are they hard to reach? A therapist who doesn’t respect your time isn’t going to respect your healing process either.
Worse, their inconsistency can actually reinforce anxiety and trust issues, creating the opposite of what therapy should provide.
4)They Rush Into Trauma Too Soon
A good therapist knows that healing takes time. If a therapist jumps straight into deep, painful memories without first creating a sense of safety, it can feel overwhelming—or even re-traumatizing.
This can sound like: “Tell me about all your childhood traumas” or “What’s the worst thing that’s ever happened to you?”—before you’ve even built trust with them.
Therapy should feel safe and supportive. A trauma-informed therapist eases into tough conversations at your pace. If that foundation isn’t there, it’s okay to set boundaries or find a better fit.
5)They Lack Cultural Awareness & Competency
This can show up in subtle ways-a therapist changing the subject when you mention the pressure of being the first to make it, or saying things like:
- “Are you sure it was about race?”
- “Try not to focus on the negative.”
- “Maybe your parents were just doing their best.”
Of course they were.
But that doesn’t erase how cultural expectations and generational trauma shape your reality. If your therapist can’t acknowledge that, they can’t fully support you.
A Few Must-Ask Questions to Find A Therapist Who is A Good Fit For You
It’s time to make sure you and your therapist are on the same page. Here’s what you should ask during that initial consult:
- What is their training? What do they specialize in? Does it tie into the issues you need to work on?
- How much does their sessions cost? Do they offer sliding scale fees?
- What are their expectations of you? (Do they expect homework to be completed before sessions or do they focus more on presence in the room?)
- What’s their appointment cancellation policy?
- What is their policy/boundary around communication between sessions?
- How will you both know when you’re done with treatment?
- How often will you be seeing each other?
- What happens if you are in crisis (can you reach out outside of session)?
What’s Next ?
Finding the right therapist takes effort, but it’s so worth it.
If you’re looking for a BIPOC therapist in Calgary who actually gets it, l’d love to chat.
Book a FREE 20-minute consultation with any of our therapists to see if we’re a good fit.
And if you’re still deciding? Well, My TikTok is where I share mental health insights and side eye family members with boundary issues.
Healing is hard, but you don’t have to do it alone.
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