Learning How To Control Your Emotions Is A Waste Of Time: A 10/10 Guide to Emotional Regulation 

You are right: This blog won’t teach you how to control your emotions. Not even if you promise to eat all your vegetables and do your taxes on time.

That’s because it is impossible to control your emotions. What this blog is going to teach you instead is how to control your response to your emotions. Through a process you may already know as emotional regulation. 

Whether you are looking to control your emotions because they seem to always ruin things you hold dear or just want to be able to approach life more calmly, emotional regulation is what you need and becoming badass at it is what this blog is going to teach you.

Let’s get into it! 

In This Article:

What Are Emotions? 

Emotions are meanings you make from a given situation and your responses to it. They are made by you in reaction to your immediate environment.

For instance, a 4-year-old calls you a “loser”. You’d probably laugh it off, right?

But, if your partner says the same to you, you will feel hurt. Same insult. Different reactions. What changed? The meaning you assigned to it. 

You don’t take the four-year-old personally. You see it as their expression, not a reflection of your worth.

But with your partner, you start seeing red. That’s what emotions are. 

Why Can’t I Control My Emotions?

So if you make your emotions by the meanings you give a situation, why do you still feel stressed or anxious? You should be able to choose not to feel stressed. You should be able to turn anxiety on and off.

But as you may agree, this is never the case because in this party, our brain is in charge.

Deep in our brains sits the amygdala, the little alarm system responsible for fight, flight, freeze or flop.

When something triggers us, it reacts before your logical brain even has a chance to catch up. It acts first and asks questions later.

Today, it might make you send that angry text before your rational brain can intervene. 

Am I saying that emotions are useless? No. Emotions may be inconvenient, but they also protect us. 

Fear tells you when to run. Anger tells you when a boundary has been crossed. Sadness forces you to slow down and process. Even joy has a job-it reinforces behaviors that bring connection and fulfillment.

The way that you respond to your emotions is what determines if they can be classified as helpful or even more out of control.

So if this is the case, how do you train your brain to respond in a way that favors you? Simple. By identifying your emotions . 

How To Identify Your Emotions

Sorry, but most of us have the emotional vocabulary of a potato-happy, sad, angry, repeat. 

To regulate our emotions better, we need to know how to identify emotions beyond the basics: happy, sad, angry. 

 Research in psychology shows that naming an emotion—literally saying, “I feel overwhelmed” or “I feel frustrated”-reduces its intensity. 

It helps shift your brain from emotional chaos to logical processing. 

Instead of saying, “I feel bad,” try breaking it down:

• Am I irritated, or do I feel unheard?
• Am I nervous, or am I anticipating something uncertain?
• Am I lonely, or do I just feel disconnected at this moment?

The more specific you are with your emotions, the easier it is to understand why you’re feeling a certain way and what to do about it. You’ll be surprised how much of a difference this makes.

How to Identify Your Triggers

Now that you’ve identified the emotion(s), what triggered it? Sometimes triggers are obvious, like someone yelling at you. 

Other times, they’re subtle-an offhand comment, smell, song or a certain tone of voice.

Maybe you grew up in a household where your feelings weren’t validated, so criticism stings extra hard now. 

Maybe you’ve experienced rejection before, so being left on read sends you spiraling.

Understanding your triggers means recognizing them before they hijack your emotions. It also helps you separate past pain from present reality.

One way to identify your triggers can be to ask yourself this question: “What about this situation feels familiar?”

Emotion Regulation Techniques for Different Stages of Emotional Outburst

Emotional outburst is a sudden and intense expression of emotion-such as anger, frustration, or distress. And it happens when your nervous system is overwhelmed and struggling to regulate emotions effectively.

That said, here are some go-to emotional regulation techniques for the different stages of emotional outbursts.  

Emotional Regulation Before Outbursts 

• Get More Sleep : Prioritize those ZZZs. Exhaustion makes emotions ten times harder to handle so try to get in as many hours of required sleep as you can.
• Eat Healthy: Food and mood go hand in hand. It influences our hormones and shapes how we feel throughout the day.  Skipping meals or relying on junks already makes you irritable. Make sure you’re eating foods that actually sustain you—proteins, healthy fats, and complex carbs. 
• Exercise: Whether it’s a brisk walk, a yoga session, or a dance party in your living room, moving your body can help you process and release pent-up emotions.
• Set Boundaries: NO is a complete sentence. Learn to say NO. Also, instead of trying to “handle” everything, set boundaries so stress doesn’t accumulate.
• Journaling: Regular journaling can help you build emotional awareness. It helps whether you’re upset or not.
• Practice mindfulness: The more aware you are of your emotional patterns, the easier they are to navigate.

Emotional Regulation During An Emotional Outburst

These emotional regulation techniques can be helpful when you are in the heat of the moment- easy to recall and master with continuous practice: 

• Pause:  Sometimes the best response is no response – at least not yet. Before reacting, ask yourself, “How will I wish I responded to this moment a week from now?” You can also try to remove yourself from the situation. 
• Name Your Feelings: Simply saying, “I’m feeling overwhelmed” creates emotional distance between you and the situation.
• Breathe: Your breathing has a lot to do with your emotions so slowing down your breath signals to your brain that you’re safe.
• Use grounding techniques: Try the 5-4-3-2-1 method where you name 5 things you see, 4 you touch, 3 you hear, 2 you smell, and 1 you taste. This brings you back to the present.
• Remind yourself that the feeling is temporary because in reality, no emotion lasts forever.

Emotional Regulation After An Emotional Outburst

Once the moment passes, it’s helpful to process what happened so emotions don’t build up. Here’s how you can do that: 

• Journaling: Get those thoughts out of your head and onto paper. Write down what triggered you, how you felt, and what you learned. 
• Self-Compassion: Learn to give yourself grace even when you act in ways you are not proud of. Instead of beating yourself up for an emotional reaction, ask: How can I handle this differently next time? Handle yourself with grace like you would a friend. 

What’s Next ?

Like any skill worth mastering, emotional regulation takes ongoing practice, feedback, and sometimes, guidance.

You might find yourself getting better at recognizing your emotions but struggling to develop new responses.

Or perhaps, you understand what your triggers are now but can’t figure out how to break the patterns of triggers. 

This is completely normal. While this guide gives you the foundation, building new emotional regulation habits often benefits from professional support like the one we offer at Ashay Therapy.

Our licensed therapists are trained to help you identify your specific emotional patterns and help you practice emotional regulation in a safe space. 

Start small and book a FREE 20-minute consultation on us!